The Old Timer

The Old Timer — Unscented

He was running calls before half the crew was old enough to drive.

The Old Timer has seen things you people wouldn’t believe—and he’ll tell you about every damn one of them whether you asked or not.

He doesn’t need GPS because “I know this city.” He doesn’t trust the new equipment because “the old stuff worked just fine.” And whatever problem you're dealing with today? Don't worry. He dealt with something ten times worse in 1997 with half the equipment and somehow survived.

This one is unscented, because after enough years of diesel fumes, gas-station coffee, nursing homes, and things that should never have a smell but somehow do... you’ve earned a break.

Handcrafted with our beef tallow-based recipe for a rich, satisfying lather without any added fragrance.

He’s not retiring.

He’s just waiting for management to finally realize he was right.